jo march really was like. i love the people around me and i cannot cope with them leaving and being mature and appealing enough to start new chapters in their lives while i’m still clinging into this idealised, carefree, comedy-like lifestyle i thought was gonna last forever. and i really thought platonic relationships could replace my repressed longing for a romantic one but now all my loved ones’ first priorities became romance. meanwhile i cannot put myself out seeking a romantic relationship because that would automatically mean altering, belittleing, objectifying and compromising myself, my life would become a cliche with guaranteed unhappy ending because i feel like no one in this world could truly make me happy. and i do want to embrace my independent, single lifestyle but i guess i didnt calculate back then how lonely it’s going to feel. it’s like my only choice is between two types of unhappiness. jo march conveyed all this stuff and i’m not supposed to tear up just thinking about that goddamn movie???
❝I had understood gods could bleed, but I had never seen it. He was one of the greatest of our kind, and the drops that fell from him were golden, smearing his back with a terrible beauty.❞
